


A Shade She Can’t Ignore

by jadeswallow



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 07:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4556691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadeswallow/pseuds/jadeswallow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU in which Jun wears gaudy clothes, Nino is Riisa’s cousin, Aiba owns a pet store, Rola is an amateur model, and Riisa is torn between awkwardness and comprehension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Shade She Can’t Ignore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nicefinalbeam (sparkleboom)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkleboom/gifts).



> Originally posted for je_whiteday [HERE](http://je-whiteday.livejournal.com/61493.html).

****_“It is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does.” — Peter McWilliams_  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa will never forget the day they first met.  
  
She is looking. Except that she has been looking for a while, so staring is perhaps a better word for it.  
  
  
~  
  
  
When her cousin, Kazunari, comes, Riisa is in the middle of anguishing over her most recent breakup. Kazu lives close and he comes by from time to time. He knows everything about Riisa’s life down to the annoying details, and Riisa knows almost nothing about him.  
  
Well, not exactly nothing. Riisa knows Kazu studies in one of the weirdest school in the city -- a special school for art, music, and design, but he never says what his major is and he never answers when he is asked. Although Riisa spots his guitar every time she goes to his house, with various excuses, Kazu always manages not to play even a single melody. Riisa is not one to pry when it doesn’t concern her, so after several unsuccessful bribing attempts, she simply gives up.  
  
That afternoon though, Kazu’s cheerful greeting is stopped when he sees the tears in her eyes. He just sits on the couch next to her while Riisa sips her juice, trying very hard not to look back or tell him to go away because honestly, his presence is kind of soothing, and maybe Riisa just needs someone to sit and stay, once in a while. When Kazu opens his mouth next, it is to pass her a colorful leaflet advertising a festival, asking if she is interested in going.  
  
Riisa almost spills her juice as a response.  
  
  
~  
  
  
She grabs the tackiest outfit she can find from her wardrobe, wrapping herself in neon colors because she believes bright color can bring up her mood. Desperate at first, she tries to hide her red eyes under her colorful parka, silently wondering if she should have just stayed at home, moaning about her broken heart. But on second thought, she doesn’t want to pass the opportunity to get a glimpse of Kazu’s life. Not for anything in the world.  
  
  
~  
  
Their grandfather frowns when he sees her outfit, but Kazu merely gives her a suspicious smile as they leave the house, a smile that Riisa knows the meaning of only after they have arrived at the school.  
  
In a word, the festival is gaudy.  
  
Some people strut around wearing many kinds of bizarre clothes in many colors, others look so perfectly stylish they could have just popped out of fashion magazines; some others have dark circles around their eyes while carrying various instruments in their arms, and the rest are standing or chatting near the art that are displayed along the street for people to see. Everyone looks exhausted, but they are smiling with a certain kind of pride that reaches their eyes, and Riisa is immediately absorbed in the excitement.  
  
Her cousin seems more relaxed when he sees her eyes sparkling, but Kazu, being the odd Kazu he has always been, soon leaves Riisa to wander on her own after commenting how she truly fits the crowd.  
  
Not that Riisa actually minds. The festival is crowded; there has to be hundreds and hundreds of people storming the place, and Riisa lets her feelings guide her from one exhibition to the other, paying attention to everything that is happening in front of her. There are all sorts of art and music and performances, and Riisa smiles and laughs and forgets that she is supposed to be gloomy.  
  
Then she sees him.  
  
  
~  
  
  
If the festival is gaudy, the guy she is staring at, with his silk flower-print jersey, is its mascot.  
  
Riisa squints her eyes to make sure she’s seeing correctly.  
  
Several questions come to mind.  
  
First, why  _silk_? Second, who came up with the idea of a flower-print jersey? Third, why does the wrong combination that is supposed to be dreadful looks so perfect instead?  
  
Before she manages to snap back from her trance, the silk flower-print jersey guy catches her staring in his direction. He grins, and Riisa blushes.  
  
Fourth question, why is he so pretty?  
  
  
~  
  
  
Just when Riisa is thinking about turning back and running away, she hears her cousin’s cheerful voice, calling the guy  _Jun_ , and asking him about his sales, and Riisa finally realizes  _Jun_  has many clothes hanging around him and a big sign with SALE written on it.  
  
 _Jun_  greets her cousin back, playing around with the hem of his jersey while answering, and Kazu snorts in return. Then Kazu spots her and introduces them, certainly oblivious of the fact that Riisa had been staring at his friend not too long ago.  
  
Thanks to Kazu, Riisa finds out that Jun’s complete name is Matsumoto Jun, Jun is a fashion major, Jun is even prettier up close, Jun is close to Kazu, Jun designed the flower-print jersey himself, Jun grins really wide when his works are praised, and judging from other people’s reactions as they see him, Riisa gets a feeling that Jun is used to being stared at. Somehow it reduces her embarrassment a little bit, but then Jun smiles again, and Riisa ends up buying one of Jun’s jerseys, the one with zebra motif.  
  
If Kazu is suspicious of anything, he doesn’t mention it.  
  
Oh, and Riisa finds out that Kazu is a film major, but the fact is lost among other information she just gets that day.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa sees Jun a lot of times ever since. She comes by Kazu’s house and finds Jun. She comes to Kazu’s school and finds Jun. They talk about many things, but mostly about their same taste in gaudy fashion. Riisa loves seeing the glimmer in Jun’s eyes when he talks about his favorite subject, but when she tells him that, Jun comments that she has the same expression in her eyes when they’re talking.  
  
Riisa checks in the mirror and Jun is right.  
  
  
~  
  
  
To Kazu’s delight, Riisa decides to study fashion at the same school. She had a feeling at home during the festival, and probably for the first time in her life, Riisa is truly certain about her decision.  
  
 _You are officially my senior now_ , Riisa texts Jun.  _Please take care of me._  
  
 _I think you’ll do fine in fashion_ , Jun replies.  _Good luck :)_  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa can’t remember how it started, but all she knows is that she doesn’t actually mean for it to happen. One, Riisa never falls for good looking guys, because good looking guys are synonymous with trouble. Second, she is just out of a really bad breakup, and Riisa is not sure she is ready to start something new. Third, Jun has been a great friend, and Riisa doesn’t mix friendship with relationships.  
  
No, Riisa considers Jun pretty, but she would like to be just friends and admire him from afar like most girls around him, so Riisa can’t comprehend, refuses to comprehend, how they end up like this, their faces so close with hardly any space between them. Riisa tries to gather her thoughts, and she remembers vaguely that they are at Jun’s place to celebrate her getting her first A, but with Jun’s lips so close to hers, she forgets all of her previous rules about why Jun is off limits.  
  
Their lips touch so lightly it almost feels accidental. Except that it isn’t, because Jun is the one who leans in, and Riisa doesn’t turn away. At the back of her mind, Riisa thinks it is bound to happen anyway, as they are getting closer and seeing each other more often.  
  
For a few seconds, neither of them moves, and Riisa concentrates so much on Jun’s breathing she almost forgets hers.  
  
Then Jun moves his lips, and Riisa moves hers, and Jun’s hands are on her shoulders while Riisa tries to put hers around his neck. They stay like that for a while, trying to figure out how to work it out, but somehow,  _somehow_ , it doesn’t seem quite right, and Riisa is not quite sure when to let go.  
  
It appears that Jun thinks of the same thing and Riisa can feel the way he hesitates for a bit before he pulls back, mumbling his apologies.  
  
Riisa shakes her head and tells him that it is okay. Although she can feel a little disappointment, a bigger part of her is relieved because if she is the only one who feels the awkwardness, she really doesn’t know what to say to Jun. It is a good thing that the feeling is mutual.  
  
  
~  
  
  
From then on, things are different.  
  
They never talk about the kiss again, but they don’t exactly avoid each other either. Riisa still sees Jun when they are both at Kazu’s house and Jun still replies kindly whenever she needs help with her piles of tasks.  
  
So, what’s different? Maybe it is Riisa who has seen things differently.  
  
  
~  
  
  
During her second year, Kazu shoots his first short movie with the help of his classmates and juniors while Jun is in charge of the costumes. When filming ends, Jun starts dating the main actress, Inoue Mao, and he suddenly doesn’t come around as much as before.  
  
The most surprising thing is that Kazu comes to pat her head and ask if she is alright. Riisa merely laughs and says that there is nothing between her and Jun, though it is nice to know Kazu does pay attention.  
  
As most friendships go, the frequency of them seeing each other becomes less and less. Riisa begins seeing one of her classmates, and she gets so used to being a fashion major she doesn’t really ask for Jun’s help any longer, while Jun is also busy with tasks that are piling up. Years go by and Jun and Mao eventually break up, but Riisa’s relationship continues. Suddenly it is time for Jun to graduate, and then it is time for him to move, and she doesn’t see him again for quite some time.  
  
Until the parrot incident.  
  
Riisa will never forget about the parrot incident.  
  
  
~  
  
  
When she thinks about it, Riisa’s meeting with Jun is always a bit dramatic, although it is never her fault. More years have passed since she’s last seen Jun. Riisa is currently single, and she is on the way home after buying some fabric, walking down the street with her model-slash-new friend, Rola, unaware that Jun has come back to town.  
  
Rola was introduced to Riisa by one of her friends in the music department. She had asked around for a model for her clothes, and Rola, with her hazel eyes, skinny body type, and blonde hair, was the perfect one to wear them. They are chatting with hands full of fabric when a parrot, out of nowhere, flies in their direction, and hits Rola in the face.  
  
Rola shrieks, lifting both of her hands to shove the parrot away and accidentally dropping the fabric she is holding. Riisa screams as well, and her fabric is scattered on the street as she tries, desperately, to grab the parrot. She looks on in despair as the fabric rolls down the filthy street, ruined, but Rola’s safety is far more important.  
  
The parrot goes at Rola’s arms, tightening its talons, and Rola is scrunching her face in pain when two young men run at their direction. Riisa tries to listen more carefully at the words they are shouting at her, and it seems that they are telling them not to panic because it will scare away the parrot. She doesn’t know why they’re more concerned about the parrot but allows herself a sigh of relief as she sees one of them is carrying a bird cage.  
  
When one man is busy luring the parrot back to its cage with food, his friend squats down to check on their condition with genuine concern in his voice.”Are you guys okay?”  
  
That’s when Riisa realizes that it is Jun.  
  
  
~  
  
  
It’s so unfair, Riisa thinks, how Jun can get even prettier as he gets older. His hair is cut short now, dyed brown; he stands straighter, and he looks far more grownup than Riisa thought he would be. Riisa is almost sad when she sees Jun wearing normal clothes --fashionable indeed, but rather plain. The Jun in her memories always wears flashy outfits that somehow really suit him. Or maybe Riisa is disappointed because she is wearing a dress with dog paw prints all over it and a neon pink jacket, and she feels quite out of place standing next to this new, mature Jun.  
  
Jun turns to her and breaks into a grin, and Riisa can’t help but smile back. At least Jun still smiles the same way, with the sweetest, widest grin Riisa has ever seen. It makes Riisa’s stomach jump pleasantly.  
  
“So, you’re Kazunari’s cousin?”  
  
Riisa glances up and nods at Jun’s friend, Aiba, who knew her cousin in high school. After making sure that she and Rola are alright, Jun invites them to Aiba’s pet shop that the parrot tried to escape from.  
  
Aiba is taller than Jun, more cheerful, and he has the kind of friendly nature that makes Riisa understand why he is so good with animals. “I’m sorry about what Joon Sang did,” Aiba says as he offers coke to all of them. He bows. “Truly sorry.”  
  
“Joon Sang?” Rola turns her head from the parrot’s cage. She apparently isn’t traumatized enough to stay away from it.  
  
“The parrot,” Jun supplies. “Aiba’s mom named him after a famous Korean actor.”  
  
“It’s such a cute name!” Rola pokes at the parrot and giggles. Aiba has to give her ointment for her arm, but Rola still looks incredibly enthusiastic to play with the parrot. With Aiba’s help, she even learns how to feed it and other animals on the store.  
  
Riisa watches the conversation in front of her with delight. Rola is a perfect model who looks great in any kind of clothes, but sometimes, in private, Riisa does wonder about her cheerful attitude in almost everything in life. Beside her, Jun is frowning, and Riisa has a hunch that Jun is thinking the same thing. Well, Riisa thinks as she plays around with her coke, there was a time when she knew Jun’s mind so well, after all.  
  
Aiba, apparently unaffected, beams upon hearing the reply. “Isn’t it? Matsujun doesn’t agree though.”  
  
It turns out that Rola has a dog and a cat, so she is soon involved in a fun discussion about animals with Aiba. Their conversations involve a lot of hand gestures and laughter, but they look like they are having so much fun Riisa begins to suspect that this is not their first meeting.  
  
Jun shakes his head and takes the opportunity to turn his attention to Riisa. “How’s Kazu?”  
  
“He’s alright.” Riisa raises the coke to her lips, sipping it a bit before continuing, “He’s with Mao now.”  
  
“Mao?”  
  
“Your ex,” Riisa replies. “Sorry to break the news.”  
  
“Doesn’t matter. It’s been years.”  
  
She cringes.  
  
Jun’s smile is bitterer than Riisa thought it would be, and after that she can’t bring herself to ask about what has happened during the time he was away.  
  
Riisa is suddenly very interested in finishing her coke while Jun plays around with his can. She thinks a few years shouldn’t change a friendship that much. She is wrong.  
  
Her train of thought is cut off when Rola suddenly jumps.  
  
“Riisa, the fabric we just bought! I totally forget about it, I’m sorry!”  
  
The fabric had rolled down the street for a while before they manage to grab it back, and Riisa bites her lip at the stressful sights of several dirty spots. She guesses it will be alright if she washes them though. Rola is distressed, but Riisa tries to convince Rola that it is not her fault only to turn around and finds Aiba looking terribly guilty in return. He quickly apologizes, insisting on giving her some money as a replacement.  
  
The banter seems to catch Jun’s interest.  
  
“What is it for?” he interrupts.  
  
“It’s for Riisa’s new designs,” Rola says.  
  
Jun grabs the fabrics, examining the materials carefully. “I think I may have some at my place that can work as a substitute. Want to come and take a look?”  
  
Unfair thing number two: Jun is not supposed to get back into things that quickly.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa originally wanted Rola to accompany her, but Aiba has promised to give Rola some dog food for free, so Rola decides to stay behind and play with the pets. It is obvious that it is not the only reason Rola chooses to stay however, so Riisa lets her, and they set the meeting for measurements tomorrow morning.  
  
The sound of Aiba and Rola’s laughter can still be heard outside the store.  
  
Jun squints at their shadows and turns to Riisa with a concerned expression.  
  
“Do you think that...?”  
  
“Maybe...” Riisa shrugs with a smile on her lips. “They have the same bubbly character, I think.”  
  
“ _Bubbly_?”  
  
“Yes,  _bubbly_ ,” Riisa explains. “Like, in the way they smile a lot and are so cheerful and enjoy what they do so much?”  
  
“I know,” Jun puts his hands in his pockets and starts walking without waiting for her, and Riisa pouts. Jun is still as impatient as he used to be.  
  
She follows him and Jun suddenly turns around, smiling. “I think bubbly is the perfect word.”  
  
He grabs her hand and Riisa’s heart flutters, hopeful that they can go back to the way they were before.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa is always envious at how great Jun’s collections are and more importantly, how great his taste is. Being surrounded by various garments and other materials in Jun’s special storage room, she is reminded of her early school days, when Jun helped her finish practically all her tasks in time.  
  
Riisa’s hand touches the garments, trying to distract her brain from remembering, but she immediately pulls it back again, surprised. The material is covered in dust. Not that much dust though. Riisa guesses that it is a few months’ worth. Still, in normal condition, this would not have happened.  
  
She runs to Jun and finds him in his old bedroom, in the middle of unpacking his sketch books, crumpling and throwing lots of sketches to the wastebin while he’s at it.  
  
“Why?”  
  
Obviously, Jun knew that she would ask the question, but he doesn’t answer. He continues to rip out most of his sketches, crumpling and throwing them away. The actions are repeated several times until Riisa can’t stand it anymore.  
  
“What’s wrong?” She asks again, touching Jun’s shoulder gently. “Why did you comeback to this town?”  
  
When Jun looks up at her, the mental struggle is clearly written on his face. Riisa watches him carefully; her grip on his shoulder is automatically tightened.  
  
For a moment, she thinks that Jun will say nothing, but then the cloud on his face seems to fade away a little, and Riisa can see the grief that he has been carefully hiding.  
  
“I’m starting everything over.”  
  
  
~  
  
  
Rola shows up the next day giddy and excited. She is almost always cheerful, and Riisa has constantly admired her positivity, but there is something more appealing about her that day, a certain blush on her face to show that she is in her best mood. She hums through the entire measurement process, moving her foot to the left and right as if she can’t wait for the process to be over, and when Riisa asks her to turn around, she spins so eagerly she ends up in a twirl.  
  
Rola giggles and Riisa tries to smile. She thinks it turns out as a grimace instead.  
  
“I assume everything went well last night?” Riisa asks, trying to stop her foul thoughts before they go too far. There is something unsettling about watching Rola’s happiness, but Riisa is not sure what it is.  
  
Rola stops twirling. Her cheeks turn red. “I’m sorry I’m getting so distracted today.”  
  
Riisa shakes her head, carefully tracing and folding the materials Jun gave her last night. To tell the truth, Riisa is distracted as well.  
  
Her mind returns the memories of the sparkles in Jun’s eyes when they have talked about the dreams they would achieve after graduating, how glorious he looked when he discussed his future plans. But last night, after saying that he failed in launching his own fashion brand and decided to move back while saving up more money, Jun didn’t really give details of anything else. The explanation would have been longer if this had happened in the past, but their conversation ended unexpectedly quickly.  
  
There is an unspeakable distance between them, and neither of them has any clue how to building the bridge to cross the gap. One walk with their hands together is not enough to make it disappear, so Riisa goes home with a heart full of disappointment.  
  
“I have a date with Aiba this weekend.”  
  
Riisa looks up to find Rola next to her. Her face softens as a realization hits her. Rola, and Aiba in this matter, are not responsible for her irritation.  
  
“Do you think it’s too fast?” Rola asks, tilting her head at Riisa.  
  
There is something about her air that makes Riisa certain about the answer she should give, and this time, Riisa successfully smiles. “Why wait when you’re feeling sure about it?”  
  
The happiness in Rola’s face is clear.  
  
“Well, we were having such a good time talking about pets, and before I went home, he asked me if I would like to go somewhere with him, and I said yes.”  
  
Studying Rola’s expression more thoroughly, Riisa nods pleasantly. The feeling of annoyance she was having earlier disappears as fast as it appeared.  
  
“How about you and Jun?”  
  
Rola’s next question startles her. It is so sudden and so lightly said, and it is mildly perplexing because Rola asks it as if she is asking about love, a thing that Riisa and Jun are not supposed to be associated with.  
  
“We are friends,” Riisa replies, too fast.  
  
“Friends,” Rola repeats. She steps in front of Riisa, genuine curiosity on her face. “You were looking at him with such an interesting expression though.”  
  
“What does that mean?”  
  
“Like you can’t make up your mind about what you are supposed to feel about him.”  
  
  
~  
  
  
Rola’s comment stays in Riisa’s mind days after, refusing to disappear. When Riisa has fallen in love, it has always happened fast, taken her off-guard, and the thoughts swirl around in her mind until she is able to get closer to the subject of her attention.  
  
It is different with Jun.  
  
This isn’t what she thinks love should be. Riisa is always certain when she is in love, but after days of overanalyzing, she still can’t figure out what to call her feelings for Jun. It is depressing not to understand her own feelings, so she stops questioning it then, and decides to pretend that she never asked herself to name it.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Kazu invites Jun to come to his new place when he knows Jun is back. For old time’s sake, he informs Riisa, bur Riisa knows Kazu has missed Jun as much as she has. Somehow though, words spreads farther than necessary, and that night, everyone else in town that has known Jun at some point in his life comes by.  
  
The place is far too crowded, Riisa decides, roughly 30 seconds after she arrives.  
  
Kazu doesn’t even see her coming; he is too busy trying to prevent people from entering his house. It is a desperate attempt Riisa is not in the mood to help with. Her eyes immediately search for Jun, and she quickly finds him in the corner of the room, looking like he is enjoying all the attention he’s getting and completely oblivious that he has been filling her thoughts for days. Riisa walks towards him, but she stops midway when she sees who is standing next to him.  
  
 _Mao_.  
  
They are talking in a whisper, standing together so naturally. Riisa doesn’t miss how Mao’s hand is touching Jun’s, and she is suddenly conflicted between several feelings. She has the potential to know what they are talking about, for her sake and for Kazu’s sake, but the strong interest overwhelms her. Her emotions are running out of control and Riisa feels silly and a little bit scared. She doesn’t expect herself to be this curious to know.  
  
When Jun notices her, Riisa does the only thing that she’s thought of ever since her arrival. She turns back and goes out of the door.  
  
  
~  
  
  
“Riisa!”  
  
She stops walking to the sound of Jun calling out for her and finds him trailing behind her, alone. Riisa is stunned, but she is also incredibly flattered. The party is being held for Jun and Riisa is the one who ran away like a stupid high school girl, but here he is, choosing her company above everyone else.  
  
When Jun finally catches up with her, his tone is full of accusations. “You ran away.”  
  
“You were with Mao.” Riisa regrets it instantly after she says it. She doesn’t mean to sound so hurt and immature.  
  
“Riisa.” Jun frowns.  
  
Riisa feels guilty as she sees the confusion and hurt smeared across Jun’s face. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean…” she mumbles, trying to bring her thoughts together. “Parties just aren’t my thing.”  
  
Jun comes closer and to Riisa’s surprise, pats her head. “There’s nothing between me and Mao now. I won’t betray Kazu. You know that, right?”  
  
Riisa knows. She has always known how kind Jun’s heart is.  
  
Jun reaches an arm around her, and Riisa instinctively leans forward. She doesn’t quite know what to say, but Jun’s promise has made her feel so pleased. A part of her wants to ask what he was talking about with Mao, but the sound that escapes her lips is stifled, and in the end she settles for gripping Jun’s coat instead. Tightly.  
  
When Jun lets go, Riisa thinks he sees a glimmer of relief in his eyes.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa doesn’t want to go back to the party, and Jun doesn’t pursue. Despite Riisa’s protest, Jun has insisted on taking her back home. They don’t hold hands this time, but they are close enough to brush into each other occasionally while walking, and Riisa tries to tell her subconscious to suppress the feelings that are bubbling inside of her. When did she start talking about whatever she has with Jun as  _feelings_  anyway?  
  
They are passing through the school on their way when Jun suddenly stops with a certain kind of longing in his eyes. If Jun’s short hint of protest before finally giving up on entering the school is any sign, Riisa thinks she knows what he wants.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Being a design student, Riisa is used to staying late at school. But she has never gone to school at this time of the night, strolling the dark corridors with just Jun beside her. As they progress with the walk, Jun keeps making remarks about how nostalgic the view of the classrooms is, occasionally telling her amusing stories and funny incidents he experienced during his years as a student. He looks happier than Riisa has seen him since he came back.  
  
When they reach a certain point of the corridor, Jun stops so unexpectedly that Riisa crashes into his back. Her complaint is caught in her tongue as she realizes the reason why Jun’s stopped moving.  
  
“Still remember?” Jun asks.  
  
“Well,” Riisa says, thoroughly aware of where they are. “How could I forget?”  
  
This time, the silence is more comforting than awkward.  
  
Jun’s gaze is fixed on the wall across them, at the place where he hang his self-made clothes for sale, years ago. He sits down on the floor and Riisa sits next to him, shoulders bumping into each other. She tries to picture how the place looked years ago, where she had seen Jun for the first time, where Jun had caught her staring at him and Riisa couldn’t look away. Jun’s hand searches for hers and Riisa meets him halfway, suddenly aware of how Jun’s heart is beating a little faster than her own.  
  
When Jun clears his throat, she knows that whatever he says next will change their relationship.  
  
“Fulfilling a dream is harder than I thought it would be.”  
  
Riisa stays silent as Jun’s walls come down.  
  
Slowly, carefully, in a quiet tone, Jun tells her about his failures in selling his designs. How excited he was, how hard he worked, how confident he was that he would be able to make it. More than anything, how he thought that he had jumped over the barrier after he graduated and everything would be okay if he dashed quickly towards his goal. How disappointing it was to acknowledge that he was getting even farther and farther away from his dreams. Perhaps, Jun told her in a whisper, my taste is just not for everyone.  
  
It’s the most information Jun has shared about his feelings since they've met.  
  
Riisa has always liked Jun’s designs, but this isn’t what Jun wants to hear. She puts her head on Jun’s shoulder, waiting patiently.  
  
“I’m not giving up yet.” Jun gives a wry laugh as he talks again.”It’s just...”  
  
“Do you regret it?”  
  
Jun swallows. “No.”  
  
“Then don’t give up,” Riisa says.  
  
There is nothing else she can say about this. Riisa can sympathize, console Jun, complain about how harsh the world is, lecture him about how there’s no elevator to success, but Riisa settles for believing in Jun instead. Jun is passionate in everything he does, and Riisa believes him.  
  
“I won’t,” Jun replies after a long moment of silence. He squeezes her hand. “I won’t.”  
  
  
~  
  
  
When Riisa sees Rola again, Rola conjures up tickets from her pocket before Riisa manages to say anything.  
  
“Aiba got free passes to the zoo. Want to come?”  
  
  
~  
  
  
Riisa finds herself unable to reject the idea of spending another day with Jun. They have been texting each other back and forth and Riisa is glad that Jun isn’t able to see her, because, well, Riisa has been rolling on the mattress before replying to each of his messages, trying to find a less awkward way to ask him out.  
  
It is already past midnight and she still hasn’t been able to say it when Jun’s text comes.  
  
I’m coming over. Aiba rejected me because Rola is at the store.  
  
  
~  
  
  
“Nothing really changes,” is Jun’s conclusion not long after he arrives.  
  
Jun has been in her bedroom many times before, and it is true that nothing has really changed over the years. The materials are piling up more in a corner, Riisa has more clothes than she needs, and there are sketches scattered all over the room, but that’s about it.  
  
Riisa hops into her bed, staring at the ceiling, and Jun follows, lying beside her. For a while, they stay in silence that appears to stretch on forever. It is just like the old times, when Jun, and sometimes Kazu, stayed overnight to help her with her tasks. The familiarity of the situation brings a smile to her lips, and she wants nothing more than for the moment to last forever.  
  
Riisa is drowsing off when Jun starts speaking in a low voice.  
  
“I overheard Aiba and Rola’s conversation.”  
  
“Mm,” Riisa mumbles, not understanding where the conversation will lead, but Jun must think that it is a good enough indication that he can go on.  
  
“Did you know that Rola’s skin used to be darker?”  
  
Riisa thinks about it. “Not really, no.”  
  
“And she dyed her hair and wears contacts all the time, apparently.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“She has been trying hard to change her appearance to be a model.”  
  
Riisa thinks about the information and how fond she is of Rola’s positivity. “Being a model suits her.”  
  
“I know,” Jun sighs. “Everyone has their own difficulties, I guess.”  
  
“True.”  
  
“Well,” Jun continues, “She asked Aiba what Aiba thinks about that, but Aiba immediately replied that he doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. That he is happy with whatever makes her happy.”  
  
“Aiba is a really nice person.”  
  
“He is.” Jun flops backwards on the bed. He plays with his fingers in a certain way that Riisa thinks is cute. “After hearing that, I just have this urge to talk to someone.”  
  
Riisa hums her agreement; she would have thought to do the same thing.  
  
“He never judges me either, you know, for....” Jun trails off, but Riisa can figure out what he is about to say. Jun still blames himself for quitting, but Riisa is sure that the way Jun is really stressed about that is because he still cares. He’s always cared so much for everything in his life.  
  
Jun’s next words are unexpected. “Thank you...”  
  
Riisa is perplexed.  
  
“For doing the same thing.” Jun finishes, looking straight at her.  
  
Jun is not that good at admitting his defeat, but this time, Riisa appreciates him for the honesty. She wants to reply that the thank you is unnecessary, that Jun would do the exact same thing for her, but Jun hasn’t looked away.  
  
He stares at her like he is still struggling with something else, and a shiver runs down Riisa’s back. The possibility of figuring out what these last several weeks are about is tempting.  
  
Jun is so close, it sends Riisa’s mind into overdrive. Her heartbeat is getting faster, and Riisa starts to panic, and when Riisa is panicked, she starts to ask herself questions. First, why does this moment feel all too familiar? Second, isn’t Jun off-limits? Third, what about their friendship? Riisa finds out that she isn’t capable of thinking in long sentences when Jun is leaning in even closer.  
  
His lips are inches away from hers when Riisa’s hand goes to his chest, effectively stopping him.  
  
“Do you want to go to the zoo?”  
  
  
~  
  
  
Although she asked him at what seemed like an inappropriate time, Jun said yes. When she thinks about it again, perhaps Jun’s mind hadn’t finished processing everything when she blurted the question out.  
  
Riisa decides to wear Jun’s zebra jersey on the date, unsure if it will make things more awkward or gives them a topic to talk about instead. The way Jun raises his eyebrows when he comes to pick her up almost makes her run back to her house to pick a different outfit, but Riisa is extremely grateful that Rola breaks the silence by showing genuine interest in the jersey. When Riisa tells her it is Jun’s, Rola immediately says that she wants one too with a different motif.  
  
It relieves Riisa to see Jun’s sheepish smile as he receives the order.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Aiba and Rola are in high spirits since morning.  
  
It is clear that Aiba has prepared himself for the day. He knows the map of the zoo by heart, leading them to all the interesting animals and attractions smoothly, impressing all of them with all the information he knows of. Rola replies him with the same enthusiasm, if not more.  
  
It’s more than a little endearing, watching two people who are slowly but surely falling in love, but Riisa doesn’t quite know how to react with Jun beside him. Jun hasn’t really said anything since that night, and Riisa is torn between clearing the awkwardness and giving both of them more time to figure it out.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Rola is saying something, but Riisa is too caught up in her own thoughts to pay attention.  
  
“I’m sorry?” Riisa asks, embarrassed.  
  
They are in the middle of lunch. Aiba has insisted on doing it under the tree outside the cafeteria, instead of at tables like everyone else. Aiba has bought all of them hotdogs, while Jun’s gotten the drinks. It somehow suits the mood, and the fact that Jun is agreeing on it is kind of surprising, but Riisa figures out that’s probably why Aiba is Jun’s close friend. From zebra jersey to various animals to lunch, the date has gone better than Riisa expected, and she needs to thank Aiba and Rola for that.  
  
Rola laughs. “I’m saying, Aiba can be your model for next week’s exhibition.”  
  
Jun pauses from eating and looks up. “There’s an exhibition next week?”  
  
Riisa nods. “It’s time for the yearly festival. I’ve selected my best designs and will sell them, but I’m thinking of having a short fashion show as well, make it more interesting.”  
  
“That’s a great idea!”  
  
Riisa grins at Aiba. “Thanks.”  
  
“So, who else are the models?”  
  
“I have asked Nino and Mao, and Rola, of course, and some classmates and friends.”  
  
“Jun can help too!” Rola exclaims excitedly, and at this, Riisa immediately turns around to see Jun’s reaction. After all, Jun is taking a break from work, and the dust that is piling up on top of his fabric has told her how long he hasn’t touched them, or has been unable to touch them.  
  
Rola doesn’t have a clue of course, but behind Jun, Aiba is looking at both of them with hopeful eyes, and Riisa realizes by then how much weight this request she’s making has. Riisa loves having Jun nearby more than she is supposed to, but she is not sure how to move on if it turns into a burden for him.  
  
“Is this a bad time?” she asks, slowly.  
  
They stare in silence for a short time. It could have been only a few minutes, but for Riisa it seems to be so torturously long.  
  
“I would love to help,” Jun finally says.”For you.”  
  
When Jun smiles, a real smile, it occurs to her that the problem has shifted. It is not about figuring out anymore, it is about how to go on from comprehension. Riisa has probably made a mistake. Jun is not the one trying to get back into things that quickly, she is.  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
“You’re okay with this, right?”  
  
It is not really a question; Riisa probably just needs the reassurance that she is doing it right.  
  
The festival is the next day, so all the students are staying up late to prepare their exhibitions. Nino and Mao are busy decorating her stand while Aiba and Rola are off to get some more clothes hangers – leaving Riisa with Jun to discuss the clothes’ arrangement.  
  
Riisa feels grateful for all the helps, but she is especially nervous to see Jun working so close to her. Jun was once Riisa’s inspiration and Riisa knows that her designs still carry the same adventurous, garish spirit that Jun’s clothes used to have. From his reaction, it is evident that he recognizes the similarity. He is affected by it, it is clear. Riisa just doesn’t know yet if it is a positive or a negative thing.  
  
She has been waiting for Jun to say something, anything. But Jun continues working in silence, and Riisa grows more nervous as each minute passes.  
  
She has tried consulting Kazu about this. After all, Kazu is always the more observant between them; he should have some opinion about these things.  
  
“Why don’t you try asking him?”Kazu has asked, oblivious to Riisa’s stress. Riisa was about to turn away, regretting even considering asking him, when Kazu tapped her on the shoulder and added, “Jun won’t lie to you.”  
  
So, there she goes, trying to ask Jun for some kind of sureness. Riisa is hoping for an honest answer, but it is frightening at the same time, for Riisa is afraid that she has forced Jun into doing something he doesn’t want to do.  
  
Jun is looking straight at her. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”  
  
“Because you...” She stops herself, but Jun is waiting for a continuation, and Riisa doesn’t have one. She bites her lip, feeling mostly ridiculous. Jun has been working diligently, after all, like he never made the confession, like he never decided to take a break at all, and perhaps it is an unwise thing to ask.  
  
Jun sighs.  
  
“Kazu has mentioned that you are worried about all this...” He pauses for a short while, scrambling for appropriate words. “Forcing me to get back into fashion when I’m not ready yet – kind of thing.”  
  
So Kazu did realize. Riisa silently cursed her cousin.  _Of course he knows_.  
  
Jun isn’t finished yet though. Riisa is not sure how she knows it, but she just knows.  
  
Sure enough, Jun’s eyes sweep across the stand, lingering for a moment or two at other students who are as busy, before his attention is back on her. There is something in his expression that Riisa can’t quite name, but Riisa is hopeful that it is not a bad thing.  
  
“This brings back good memories.”  
  
“Really?” Riisa perks up, in a mix of curiosity and anxiety.  
  
“Yes.” This time, the certainty in Jun’s words is clear, and Riisa doesn’t feel as awful anymore. “I’m glad you asked me for help.”  
  
  
~  
  
  
Later, when they have finished their work, Jun shifts closer and reaches for her hand.  
  
It’s exactly the reassurance that Riisa needs.  
  
  
~  
  
  
The festival is a success, they have fun, and Riisa is doing well with her clothes sales. Everyone is exhausted, but when they smile, the pride is there in their eyes, and this time it is better because Riisa is a part of the excitement. It is a dream come true to see Jun wearing one of her designs, though Riisa is happiest to see how comfortable Jun has been in the environment. He greets the teachers, chats with old friends, and promotes her clothes to passersby with ease. Riisa decides that she likes Jun with bright, flashy outfits better. Jun hasn’t changed, not really, but this is the Jun that she has known, the Jun that has caught her attention and used to be a constant presence in her life.  
  
Riisa doesn’t realize that she has been staring,  _again_ , but she has to be staring for quite a long time because Kazu is suddenly at her back, startling her. “You’re staring.”  
  
Riisa jumps. She breaks her gaze with difficulty.  
  
“You’re always staring at him, aren’t you?” Kazu chirps, looking completely pleased with this development. “Since the first time you met him.”  
  
Riisa thinks she has turned crimson. Thankfully Jun is talking to a customer and doesn’t pay attention to them. She mumbles something about needing to double check the price tags and runs to the back, but Kazu isn’t giving in that easily.  
  
“He’s doing that too, you know.”  
  
Riisa stops.  
  
When she turns back to ask what he has meant by that, Kazu is already gone.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Aiba told him about the surprise they have been planning out for weeks, in the middle of cleaning up right after the festival is over. Apparently, her friends have decided that yes, they need to celebrate Riisa’s first success by throwing her a simple party in Aiba’s pet store, and Riisa just stands there with her mouth agape; she doesn’t have the heart to tell them that she’s never liked surprises.  
  
Kazu, who has known all of Riisa’s quirky habits and distaste for surprises, appears at her side and claps his hands, filling the gap that is left by Riisa’s lack of reaction. Riisa fakes a smile, and the others are thrilled enough not to see the difference. That’s when Riisa turns her head to the left and right, searching for Jun, only to find that he is not in the room.  
  
Riisa frowns. Jun was certainly still there not too long ago.  
  
The others continue cleaning up, but Mao seems to notice her restlessness.  
  
“Jun is already at Aiba’s place. He’s preparing something,” she says, slinging an arm around Riisa and smiling with a tiny hint of mischievousness. Riisa makes a mental note to tell Kazu not to turn Mao into another him. She is still rather upset at her cousin for only giving hints but not the whole picture. After all, Riisa loves to think that it is entirely Kazu’s fault she has to spend the rest of the day thinking of Jun.  
  
She can’t stay mad for long, though. Kazu is good at sensing the time when she needs him most, and this time is not an exception. He quickly helps her stuff the clothes into a huge plastic bag and lingers by her side after the others have gone out of the door. The night is chilly and quiet, nice enough for a short walk to Aiba’s pet store, and Kazu’s presence beside her is as soothing as always.  
  
“Thinking about something?” Kazu asks, quietly.  
  
Riisa bites her lip. “Hmm.”  
  
Kazu chuckles.  
  
Riisa scowls, but says nothing. She already has a few things going on in her head, all of them involving Jun. There is no more room for coming back with a smart enough reply.  
  
Clarification, Riisa has decided, is probably important. No, scratch that, it is definitely important.  
  
These whole new feelings she has for Jun are fascinating, and confusing, and aren’t supposed to happen, because Riisa has rules regarding good looking guys and friendship, but Jun defies all expectations and Riisa has had enough of internalizing. She is more than willing to try. With Jun, she is more than willing to throw away the rules.  
  
As soon as she has time alone with Jun again, she will push him to a corner, and asks him, bluntly, about what is actually going on, and does Jun ever regret going away without saying a proper goodbye to her? Riisa is still a little scared that this is not going to go well, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembers that she is the one who turned away the time Jun made hints of developing things, not too long ago. Riisa crosses her fingers and hopes that Jun will not pay his revenge when she tries to clarify things.  
  
“We’re here,” Mao informs her, shaking her gently, and she is right. Riisa had been too lost in her own thoughts she almost missed the store. Aiba is waiting for her with a huge grin plastered on his face, and Riisa hurriedly comes to him. She remembers how Mao said that Jun went back first to prepare something for her, and Riisa’s heart is racing rapidly, shaking at the uncertainty of the situation.  
  
Aiba opens the door, and Joon Sang, the parrot that started all of Riisa’s problems, jumps in his cage and greets them. “ _Welcome. Welcome_.”  
  
Rola screams in delight, “He spoke!”  
  
“He does now!” Aiba’s pride is apparent. He proceeds to explain the difficult process of teaching the parrot, one that involved a lot of fighting and a huge amount of food bribes, and Riisa nods her head, smiling along. They all laugh at Aiba’s funny gestures, and Kazu teases him for being an idiot when suddenly, to everyone’s surprises, the parrot opens his beak once more and squeaks, “ _I like Rola. I like Rola._ “  
  
Aiba is a brilliant shade of crimson.  
  
“That's – “ he begins and stops.  
  
Rola’s hand goes to her mouth, but she can’t entirely cover the blush that is creeping on her cheeks nor can she hide the happiness in her eyes.  
  
When Aiba speaks again, his voice is filled sincerity, with a hint of necessity in it. “He isn’t supposed to say that now.”  
  
Riisa has a hunch that he hasn’t really finished talking, but she guesses they will never know what Aiba is going to clarify further as Rola grabs the chance to ran towards him and fling her arms around his neck. Aiba blinks a few times before hugging back, finally realizing that the whole situation is truly happening.  
  
Kazu is the one who laughs first, cooing and teasing Aiba who doesn’t even seem to mind it even a slightest bit. Mao follows up by clapping her hands, and Riisa is lost for a moment before echoing the action, agreeing wholeheartedly at the couple. The two of them are so sweet, standing together with the same kind of flush on their faces, the same kind of laughter ringing from their mouths.  
  
There is no uncertainty in their situation; it is just more about the timing.  
  
They are still busy talking about the shocking confession – no one is surprised, really, but isn’t that a way to make a confession memorable, having a parrot do the task for you – when Riisa notices that Jun is leaning against the door frame. He is looking at the new couple with genuine adoration, a smile on his lips, and Riisa thinks he has never looked prettier.  
  
When she realizes why, it is Riisa’s turn to cover her mouth in surprise.  
  
Jun is wearing a grey and black striped wool coat and shorts, with a white shirt underneath, and matching long grey socks and black boots. A long silver necklace and a black fedora complete the outfit. The whole outfits is so gaudy and so confident and so distinctively Jun’s.  
  
Riisa stares and stares to make sure the view is real–she can’t help it–but no question comes to mind. She doesn’t question the material, or the color, or why Jun looks so perfect in those clothes. She just accepts it, gladly. This is the Jun that caught her attention years ago,  _her_  Jun, and Riisa knows that the outfit is new because she had seen the material, completely untouched, when she visited him, and that means Jun had just made the outfits recently, and that means –  
  
Jun catches her staring and grins. Widely. Really, really, really widely. This time, Riisa doesn’t look away. Riisa will stare at him for eternity if she can. She stops thinking then, stop asking about clarifications. She decides to forget about all her stupid rules.  
  
Riisa is so happy she is about to burst into tears. Maybe, she thinks, she does like surprises.  
  
  
~  
  
  
A few things changes from then on, but not all.  
  
“I’m going to try again,” Jun says in a whisper, long after the party is over and they have finished teasing Aiba and Rola, after the others have finished congratulating Riisa and offering some words of encouragement to Jun.  
  
“Okay,” she responds. Riisa wants to say something more heartfelt, but words escape her once more and she settles for touching Jun’s face instead. Jun takes her hand and Riisa’s heart skips a beat. Or maybe two.  
  
They’re lying on her bed, Jun is playing with her hand in the way that Riisa thought was cute several nights ago, and Riisa is finally comfortable at how close their faces are. Jun is telling her of his new strategy, his new strength to achieve his dreams, and Riisa just keeps nodding, taken by the dreams she is seeing in Jun’s eyes. They are simply talking in quiet tones, their skin bumping together in a way that is recognizable to them, but the vibe is different from the last time they were there. The answer is there on her tongue, but saying it out loud is not significant anymore.  
  
“Riisa,” Jun says, “you know how grateful I am, don’t you?”  
  
“I have a hunch.”  
  
It takes a while for the realization to sink in, longer for the coping with it to settles in, but Riisa no longer doubts it, and she isn’t planning an escape either.  
  
It starts with Riisa hiding her face in Jun’s shirt, holding him tightly as if it is the only thing that matters, and Jun laughs. Riisa doesn’t fail to notice the hoarse quality of his voice and decides that she likes it. After all, it is done on purpose.  
She closes her eyes when Jun kisses her, feeling a little light-headed with the awareness of Jun’s lips moving against hers, because, well, Jun. Riisa’s hand is back on Jun’s cheek, and she smiles into the kiss as Jun reaches for her waist, making the gap between them disappear.  
  
“Riisa,” Jun says, with feeling, and Riisa pulls him back because they don’t need words anyway, not yet.  
  
Jun happily complies, his tongue slips past her lips, and every sense that Riisa still has left in her is concentrated on that tiny bit of contact. It is not the first time Jun kissing her, but their first try was awkward, and this one is not. She kisses him back, and they kiss for long enough Riisa can imagine how swollen her lips will be later on. But it doesn’t matter. Jun makes swirling motions inside her mouth and goose bumps shimmer all across her skin. What matter is she can feel him, she can really feel him.  
  
When Jun pulls away, Riisa is still not ready yet, may never be ready for it, but Jun is gentle in moving his lips to the side of her chin, breaking the kiss slowly, carefully, clinging to her like he is unable to let go of her completely, and Riisa knows that they will have plenty of time to figure out exactly how to work this thing out. Jun stares at her, his eyes darker, and for the second time in her life, Riisa is truly certain about her decision.  
  
“Well,” she whispers, tugging a bit on Jun's hair. “It certainly feels right this time.”


End file.
